It can be both touching and overwhelming when your toddler clings tightly to you and cries every time you leave the room. If your baby or toddler is going through a clingy stage, you are not alone. Separation anxiety is a completely normal part of early development and something that many families face.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety often begins around 6 months and can continue through toddlerhood, peaking between 9 and 18 months. During this time your child is learning that they are a separate person from you. That realisation can feel scary and uncertain. Their brain is still developing and the emotional and reasoning centres are not yet fully connected. When you leave, their brain floods with stress signals and they seek comfort and reassurance from you.
You might notice crying, fussing, turning away from other people, and an unwillingness to be passed from person to person. These are all signs of separation anxiety and are part of learning how to feel secure in a world that is still very new.
Why It Happens
The emotional centre of the brain (the amygdala) is immature in babies and toddlers. When they feel upset, the brain triggers stress hormones which can block clear thinking. This is why your little one cannot reason their way through your absence. They are not being difficult or manipulative — they are genuinely distressed and need your help to feel safe.
Supporting Babies Through Separation Anxiety
Although separation anxiety can be hard for parents and children alike, there are simple ways to support your baby:
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Stay close by when your baby is held by someone else. Your presence helps them feel secure.
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Offer cuddles, comfort, and calm words.
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Let others approach slowly and give your baby time to respond in their own way.
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Gently introduce new people and places. Try short visits to the park, library, or a baby class like Baby Sensory.
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Build a calming bedtime routine with cuddles, stories, or songs.
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When leaving your baby at nursery, begin with short separations and allow them to take a comfort item like a favourite toy or blanket.
Helping Toddlers Manage Their Feelings
As your baby grows into a toddler, separation anxiety may reappear in new ways. They may cry when you drop them off at nursery, cling to you at playgroups, or become fearful around new people. This is very common in the second year and usually eases by the third year as their brain continues to develop.
Here’s how you can help your toddler:
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Join a toddler group such as Toddler Sense where your child can watch and join in with other children in a relaxed environment.
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Talk through routines so your toddler knows what to expect. This builds confidence and reduces stress.
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Offer praise for any effort to play or interact with others.
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Keep playdates short to begin with and allow your toddler to bring a comforter.
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Use bedtime as a time to talk about their day and how they felt.
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Try using puppets to help your toddler talk about their feelings in a playful way.
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Encourage social time by connecting with other parents so play opportunities are easy to arrange.
Separation When You Return to Work or Start Nursery
Whether you are returning to work or starting nursery, creating a smooth transition is important. A strong bond with a warm and familiar keyworker or carer can make all the difference. If possible, stay with your child during the settling-in period so they can get used to the new setting.
Give your child something to hold onto in your absence — a comforter or soft toy works well. Even a family photo can help ease the transition.
Talk to your toddler about what is going to happen and what you will do together when you reunite. Giving them something to look forward to helps make the separation feel more manageable.
When to Ask for Help
If your child’s separation anxiety lasts for more than a few weeks or causes ongoing distress, it may be helpful to speak to your health visitor or GP. There is no shame in seeking support and it can make a big difference to your family’s wellbeing.
A Final Word of Reassurance
Separation anxiety is a normal part of your child’s development. It shows how strong your bond is and how deeply your child trusts you. With gentle reassurance, patience, and consistency, this stage will pass. Every cuddle, every calm goodbye, and every return builds your child’s sense of security and independence.
You are doing a great job. And your toddler is learning that even when you are not right there, they are still safe and loved.
